BENJAMIN: Mum's always going on about destiny.
She truly believes that things only happen
so life will be changed forever.
Usually for the worst.
(THUMP!) BOTH: Whoa!
Sae-foh lah! Oh, my God! You hit it!
You hit a kid? Hopefully a teacher.
Just a little bump-lah.
Mum, be careful. You know how many parents here are anti-immigration?
(LAUGHS) Don't be silly!
Stay in the car!
Ah, shit!
Bloody hell!
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
So sorry! In my own world!
Is it bad?
Don't sweat it. Honestly.
It was totally my fault. I... I wasn't looking.
Oh, it's fine. It's just a car.
And no-one's hurt.
Pete. (CHUCKLES) Jenny.
Uh... Look, actually...
..I might just grab your number.
Oh, of course. Insurance.
Not necessarily.
Huh?
Oh. (BOTH CHUCKLE)
OK! (CLEARS THROAT)
Again, I'm... I'm so sorry.
Oh, don't be.
I'm not.
So, it's Fosse arms, Fosse arms,
Thriller slide, Thriller slide,
one, two, ice skater.
Ooh. Do that that last bit again. Fosse arms?
Arggh! (LAUGHS) Sorry.
Law!
Chuck it back! Do you want me to?
Law! Ball!
No, thank you, Melissa! I can handle this!
Sir, students are playing with balls in the quad
in violation of the school's OH&S policy.
Thank you, Master Law. Very diligent of you.
(BELL RINGS)
Was that really necessary?
What do you mean?
No-one likes a dobber.
It wasn't dobbing, Melissa. It's about school safety.
He's lucky I didn't sustain a brain injury.
Fosse arms,
Thriller slide, Thriller slide,
one, two,
ice skater, ice skater,
and Asian squat.
Ah!
Just like Billy Elliot but on the Sunshine Coast! And Asian.
Something's still not quite popping.
Mmm. Maybe it's TOO subtle.
Oh, could be, actually.
(PHONE CHIMES)
Mum, it's you.
Who's Pete? Oh. The man from the car park.
Wait, who?
(LAUGHS)
Aw! Delete!
Uh, hello? Anyone can make a mistake.
Mum, you can't just give your number to strangers in car parks.
He looked normal to me.
Yeah, I wouldn't trust your definition of 'normal'.
Seriously, Mum,
don't just fall for the first guy that gives you attention.
Yeah. You probably right.
Mummy's a reborn virgin, anyway.
Been so long, Mummy's sealed back up.
Musical theatre.
The most... dangerous of the performing arts.
What other stagecraft demands its players act, sing and dance?
Risk lurks in every corner. One mistake and you're ruined.
Simon Perkins.
Unless one of us is suffering from macular degeneration,
I can see you if you can see me.
Rude.
Today's lesson - voice and movement. Song and dance.
How does one sing whilst moving?
SIMON: (COUGHS) Who cares?
How does one navigate the perils of gravity and motion
whilst maintaining a perfect vibrato?
We've learned the theory. Now let's see it in practice.
Do we have a volunt...
..teer?
Mr Law.
One, two, three, four.
(PLAYS SWING MELODY)
(WAITS)
(CHUCKLES) Timing, Mr Law?
One, two, three, four.
(PLAYS MELODY)
(SINGS BADLY) It's showti...
(SIMON LAUGHS)
Thank you, Mr Law.
I was hoping for someone to demonstrate the form, not defile it.
Someone else? But... sir?
Simmo put me off.
He was making fun of me.
Mr Law, in theatre, as in life, you must learn to focus.
The off-putting stage mishap. The sleeping audience member.
The endless incompetence of stage managers.
See the performance through and go on.
Otherwise you will fail miserably.
Take your seat.
And, Simon? To the principal's office.
Sir... I'm sure you know the way.
Nice one, ladyboy.
Mr Thompson.
One, two, three, four. (PLAYS SWING MELODY)
Sorry about the messages.
It's a new phone and I'm still getting used to it.
I wouldn't have responded to my texts either.
"Tits" this, "tits" that.
I should probably stop saying "tits", right?
It's fine. Tits are fine.
Who doesn't like tits? I'm a huge fan!
Sorry. Hey, hey, hey, don't be.
I'm not.
Do you want to get a drink someti... Yes.
I mean... sure.
That better not have cost me marks.
Don't worry, Ben. It wasn't being assessed.
Everything's an assessment, Melissa. Life's an assessment!
Oh, OK, I need to wee. I'm anxious and overhydrated.
Oh... Where do you think you're going?
Ha ha, Simmo. Really funny.
Nah, nah.
You... go there.
With the girls.
Ladyboy.
Leave it. I didn't need to go anyway.
Ben, you can't let him walk all over you like that.
So you dobbed. You still have the right to wee.
Sometimes it's easier just to walk away.
Like Gandhi. Or Martin Luther King.
Gandhi marched 400 kilometres and was imprisoned.
Martin Luther King led protests until he was assassinated.
Melissa, I said leave it!
Leave what?
Your son has been targeted with racist and transphobic pejoratives.
What? Ben is being bullied.
OK, what did he call you?
Ching-Chong? Gook? Chink?
The N-word, like some idiot called me by mistake once? Dumb gweilo!
Yep. That... kind of thing.
Ai, racists are racists because they're stupid.
They're everywhere. What can you do? Just ignore.
This bully gwei-jae is abusing our son, denying him toilet rights!
We need to call his parents, talk to the school-lah!
Ai, find another toilet. Don't drink so much water.
Look, don't make fuss. Always the best way.
You can't go running for help every time some idiot says a bad word.
Get thick skin and suck it off!
So if someone break his legs, set him on fire, just ignore?
Ai-ya, you make him too soft!
Ah-Ben, you're growing up now.
Time to toughen up. OK?
(DOOR CLOSES)
Wayne. Can I ask you something?
Sure, buddy.
Were you ever picked on at school?
Pfft! Yeah. Only every day.
I was the fattest kid for all of high school, right?
Yeah, Candy showed me the photos.
It was brutal.
Still think about it.
Might have PTSD.
Why do you ask?
Wait, did something happen?
They called me 'ladyboy'.
Oh, what?!
That's rough. Don't tell anyone.
No, no, no. Course not.
So, what do I do?
Oh. Maybe...
Maybe we should talk to Candy. No!
We should get an adult involved. You are an adult!
OK. OK.
Whew!
Let's think about this... logically.
Break it down.
So, they're calling you 'lady... boy'.
Maybe if you look less...
..like a lady?
Or a boy?
More like...
..a man! Maybe that might help. Oh, yeah, totally!
How do you mean?
Well...
Beep-beep!
You could try bulking up.
I use this...
..after weights...
..to grow muscle.
You want one?
OK. Uh... bag, phone, keys.
So, does this mean you're boyfriend and girlfriend now?
(LAUGHS) Soh-lah!
Is that what you're wearing? (CHUCKLES)
You look like a parrot.
Don't listen to them, Mum. You look great.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Oh, I'll get it!
Hi.
Wow. (CHUCKLES)
OK, everyone, this is Pete.
Pete, this is Candy, Benjamin, Tammy, and you met Michelle.
Don't worry. We don't expect you to remember all our names.
Candy, Benjamin, Tammy and Miscellaneous.
I mean Michelle.
(LAUGHS)
(CHUCKLES) (CONTINUES LAUGHING)
Shall we?
Mm-hm. (CANDY CLEARS THROAT)
Surf Club-lah.
OK?
My safe word is 'fire truck' too.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
(CHUCKLES)
After you... Ladies first.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Sorry. That's old-fashioned, isn't it?
Or is it kind of sexist?
Oh... better than typical Chinese man.
They just barge right through.
Which seat would you like? Uh...
I'll take this one. (CHUCKLES)
Oh! Ah! Ohh!
Oh! Are you OK?
(GROANS)
Are you sure you OK?
All good.
Oh, wait, it's... it's gushing.
Uh, sorry, it's gushing! (RUNS OFF)
They've been parked outside for ages.
Are they having sex?
Eww! Guys, don't be gross.
Ben, give them their privacy!
What can you see? Wayne!
OK, what can you see?
Nothing.
No-one puts out on a first date anyway.
Yeah, totally. Course not.
Oh, that must have been hard for you.
Oh, honestly, I think it's been harder for Karen.
I'm with the kids in the same house.
She's interstate with work
and everyone thinks she's abandoned them.
Dads don't get that kind of judgement.
And I'm not raising FOUR kids on my own.
(CHUCKLES) Well, it hasn't been easy.
But Danny helps.
He's not there day in and day out, though.
Oh! He never was.
Did he leave because you beat him up too?
(BOTH LAUGH)
I thought you were going to bleed all night!
That lady was nice to offer a tampon, though.
Well, you were having a heavy day.
(BOTH LAUGH)
I had a really nice time. So did I.
We should do it again.
I'd like that.
OK, bye. Bye.
(STARTS ENGINE)
Why are you drinking this stuff?
It's helping me get bigger.
And gassier. Sam-Gor won't stop farting.
Is this about that bully boy? What did we say?
That I'm handling it myself.
OK.
Mum, why are YOU getting out of the car?
Oh, Mummy needs to... stretch.
Or maybe you want to see your boyfriend.
Ooh! (LAUGHS) Mwah-mwah!
Yes, yes. OK, OK. Very funny.
Goodbye!
Oh! Love you.
Good girl. See you.
Fixed the nose.
I see that.
(SINGS ARPEGGIO) Ah ah ah
And all together...
ALL: (SING) Ah ah ah...
(BELL RINGS)
Children, remember, tomorrow's assessment
constitutes 40% of your final grade.
This affects future subject eligibility,
which affects university entry, which affects your career
and your adult life in general.
Though, it may be too late for some.
Ladies.
Dickheads!
Seriously? You're just gonna take it?
Melissa, it's about the long game!
I'm bulking up.
Ben, you're medically underweight. How long are we talking about?
Don't body-shame me, Melissa!
I thought, of all people, I'd have YOUR support.
You do. But you never let people walk all over you.
You even yelled at those Girl Guides.
Their biscuits were disgusting, Melissa!
Are you scared because he's bigger? No!
That he'll hurt you? No!
Then what's changed?
It's... I don't know!
It's a guy thing, Melissa. You wouldn't understand.
(GASPS) Oh, my God! Ben, are you OK?
I'm fine.
The protein's clearly working already.
I don't know my own strength!
Ooh! Looks like ladyboy had an accident.
Oh... I...
"Oh... I..." It's not...
(LAUGHS)
(SHOUTS) Give them back!
Or what, Law? Are you gonna dob on me?
Simmo, I'm serious!
(LAUGHTER)
Hey! (TRILLS TONGUE)
Everyone, look! Ladyboy's gonna cry!
(ALL LAUGH)
Whoo!
Grow up, jerk! Ooh!
Big brother to the rescue.
Pick on someone your own size, dickhead.
Can't fight your own battles, hey, ladyboy? Let's go.
Are you OK? You...!
(DOOR SLAMS)
(SIGHS)
And 15 cents makes 20. Have a good night.
Gor-Gor...
You've already thanked me for today. I know you're grateful.
I didn't come to say thanks.
Slightly ungrateful. (SIGHS)
I need you to teach me how to fight.
(SNIGGERS)
Gor-Gor! Sorry.
It's not funny! Yep. Totally not funny.
Well, you can laugh. It's easy for you.
What is? Fighting back.
You're basically mostly protein.
You're never gonna beat Simmo at his own game.
So, what do I do, then? Just stand there and cop it?
No. I'm saying there are other options.
You mean... have him killed?
Reframe the game.
You're the smart one.
I'm just protein, remember?
Look, everyone! Ladyboy's back!
You know a joke stops being funny once you repeat it, right?
What did you say?
First rule of comedy. Mallory taught us last semester.
Or maybe you don't remember.
Oh, that's right. You failed that unit.
(OTHERS LAUGH)
Yeah, well, at least I'm not a... A what?
A ladyboy? (SCOFFS) We've heard that one already.
Or I'm Asian? Congratulations! You have eyes!
(LAUGHTER) What else? I suck at PE? Big deal.
Means I won't pursue a career in sports
only to be discarded in my 20s, have no professional qualifications
and slowly sink into clinical depression
after realising I've peaked too early.
Call me whatever you want, Simmo. Doesn't bother me.
Someone like you picking on someone my size
shows everyone how insecure and scared you must be.
(OTHERS MURMUR, LAUGH)
(MARACAS RATTLE)
Hit it.
(PIANO PLAYS)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hi. Hi.
(BOTH MOAN)
Oh! Oh!
(LAUGHS) Sorry!
(HORN HONKS)
Oh!
(PETE MOANS)
Oh, God!
I'm so sorry.
It's OK. It's fine.
Do you... need... a tissue?
Mum, Mum, Mum! I nailed it!
Ai! So proud!
And dickhead bully? Still a problem? Nailed him too.
Mum, did you get here early just for Pete?
No, no.
He came and went.
We're taking you camping!
Welcome, Laws, to this special part of the country.
Every year, me and my parents camp out at the same spot.
No distractions, no temptations. Leave your worries behind...
Candy said something about a new man?
..come back a new person.
Sounds awesome!